Even if I had a bottomless bucket of KFC it would never satiate me
Iāve had a horrid virus over the past couple of weeks and Iāve been hyper aware of how Iāve used food to make myself feel better.
Itās a topic I seem to know a lot about from experience but havenāt yet ācracked itā so to speak. To cut a long story short, Iāve been overweight since about 7 years old, despite being a tiny premature baby of 3lbs. I remember always loving food and using it for comfort when I started secondary school. Things things started to get more ārealā for me. Primary school was a little bubble where I knew everyone and secondary school was mixed from many primary schools within an 8 mile radius.
30 years later at 41, those habits remain. Since having a baby in Feb 2023, I stress ate a lot, and due to the lack of energy through sleep deprivation, it kept me going, whether it be mentally or physically.
The thing is with food addiction, you think itās going to solve a problem and deep down you think itāll satiate something thatās missing: but it simply cannot do that. You could have unlimited favourite foods at your disposal and the shine will soon wear off in 5 minutes, until youāre hungry again.
In terms of weight loss attempts
I donāt enjoy the gym, but I rejoin every now and again and get a new sense of motivation that soon flails
Iāve tried slimming world and lost 4 stone before, it was relatively easy to do but when I quit, the weight went back on
I was a bit of a Keto nut for a while and read loads on it
I set goals of running 5k then 10k and on the second 10k I knocked 30 mins of my time
Did multiple fasting sessions (3 days)
Did multiple juice fasts (3-5 days)
Iāve tracked my macros on the my fitness pal app
I got down to 89kg when I was sick with kidney failure, I thought this would give me a new head start when I was wellā¦
Yet Iām at my heaviest weight ever: 141.7kg
The thing is, I donāt want any more āhow-tosā as thatāll just take more willpower which is never sustainable, unless that motivation comes naturally from a reason.
Iāve had my second kidney transplant in July 2022, my brother died of liver failure in December 2023. Youād think that would prompt me into action, but it hasnāt. I also keep saying to myself that I need to get fit for when my daughter starts waking, thatās doesnāt motivate me. I had one thought this afternoon when I was doing holiday admin, I thought to myself āShit, what if I donāt fit into my plane seat?ā I needed an extension for the seatbelt last time and I am heavier now. That thought actually motivates me more than anything else, and if youāre honest with yourself, youād be the same.
So letās see what unfolds, watch this space.
Lots of love,
SLART
